The "B" Word... BOSTON!

Seriously, my heart is broken for my city, due to the horrific event that occurred yesterday at the Boston Marathon.

So much… where to… ahhhh. I mean, I survived two horrific events, 9/11 and the DC Sniper, but this… this hurts.

Home must really be where the heart is, because my heart is truly hurt! 

I was sitting at my desk at work, a little annoyed that we we're the only seemingly company in Massachusetts that had work on Patriots day, only to read the awful news on Twitter and hearing my co-worker sobbing saying that a bomb went off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. I felt confused and saddened immediately, as the devastating news progressed, I couldn't help but feel RELIEF that I wasn't down there AS PLANNED, to cheer on a friend who was running.

I called my family to make sure everyone was safe… THANK GOD my pregnant sister in-law, whom works literally across from the bomb explosion, left work when she felt her building rock, she avoided the crowd and blocked off subways just in time and was one stop away from her house. After receiving reports that all of my immediate family was fine, I started checking on my friends.

A group of my volunteer friends and I were all going to gather at the finish line, so that we could celebrate and watch our friend cross, but that never happened. I went on the website to track his number, it said that he crossed, but did not say at what time. My heart was in my throat as I searched beyond Facebook and Twitter updates, and Instagram posts from them to see what was happening, but nothing. I texted everyone to check in, but nothing.

My company was on lockdown, in fear this was a terror attack, and not wanting to send us out into danger, they had put together a carpool buddy system, ensuring that we all made it home safe, and avoided mass transit.

I'm still watching the news, looking at Twitter and Facebook to see if there was any developing information, but nothing was secure, and there was no credible information. 

"Who did this, and why?"

As I traveled home, we had to pass Boston Medical Center, which was swarmed with FBI, ATF, and State Police, in addition to ambulances, and news trucks everywhere. My heart began to sink more in my stomach… that uncomfortable feeling that "we're never really safe." even on bright and sunny days, when we're supposed to feel safe, even in the middle of a marathon with heightened police presence, even in a crowd of happy people.

I made it home safely, relieved once again that 1. I wasn't there, and 2. I made it home. I tried to go on with my evening like today's events didn't happen, and then I seen the death and injury tolls. Tears for people whom I've never met fell to the floor, tears I didn't even knew I had, and then my thoughts flooded my heart… "What if my mom was there, or my brothers or sisters",  "What if my volunteer friends were those people I seen in pictures on the sidewalk covered in blood, with missing limbs?", "What if… what if I would have called out of work, just to go there?", … Then my thoughts escalated to other thoughts, thoughts I didn't even knew I had, feelings I didn't know I had either. It's funny how a tragedy can do that to you.

Tragedy is like a mid-wife for feelings… because it sure did bring out EVERYTHING and then some: people who I want to tell I forgive, people who I wanted to tell I love, people who I haven't spoken to, things I wanted to do… all kinds of craziness. 

When those two bombs went off in my city and killed 3, and injured 144 people, a piece of my heart broke, but also other things were birthed, and somethings re-affirmed: Gratitude, Appreciation, and tomorrow really isn't promised.

"Dear God,

Thank you for life, and I pray that I will live a FULL and PURPOSEFUL life. May your peace and joy be with the families of all those affected by the bombing. May you comfort their hearts in their time of need. May you release your strength and purpose to all the survivors. Amen."

 ❤ TD ❤ @TeLisaD 

Love: Women, Men & Strength... Sexy or Scary?

Imagine if Barack told Michelle "girl, I'm gonna marry you once I'm the President of the United States, and got my sh*t together.", sounds foolish right? Maybe he would have never become president.

Which brings me to the question of discussion: Why don't most men want a strong woman?

It deeply disturbs me when I click with a man and we have similar interests, goals, morals, or whatever, and he tells me that it wouldn't work between us because I'm too strong or situated, or that they need to get their stuff together first. Ummm, who said I have all my stuff together? And who said I got an entire lifetime to wait or waste on a man attempting to do that? It's really insulting. 

So does a man prefer that a woman have nothing to offer, nothing to bring to the table, nothing but a body without a mind? Really? What the... nevermind.

So, when a woman has nothing to offer and wants what you have she's a gold digger, but when she has her own, she's undateable?

Maybe what one person has to offer the other person doesn't, but BALANCE, that's a beautiful thing. One person may be financially stable, and the other might be emotionally stable, if they both then provide the each other with what they were missing, what's wrong with that? If one person has a vision and doesn't know how to execute it, but the other person knows how to execute... they balance each other. Right?

There are two types of women I knew that I never wanted to be:
1 a woman that can't do anything for herself.
2 a woman that a man can do anything for.

Strength is beautiful, a weak woman could never hold you up... but more importantly hold you down. No need to feel intimidated, embrace it, because no one is strong at all times. Don't feel intimidated by a woman with a plan, with goals, with a good job, with her own house, with a business, with money, with good credit, with an education, or whatever else intimidates MEN these days... sounds like #BOYproblems to me. #JustSayin.

A strong woman will bring out the strength in YOU, and BALANCE is Beautiful.

Remember this, "iron sharpens iron.", Oh, ya'll men must like being dull?


 ❤ TD ❤ @TeLisaD

Prelude to the TRUTH: Life, Death, and Light.

Three years later... has it really been that long? Wow. Where to began?


LIFE.
See, it's not that I hated my life or living, its just that... well, I wasn't happy with the quality of my life. There's a difference between LIFE and LIVING, imagine dying and being put on life support, you have life because you're connected to a machine that keeps your body functioning, but you're not really living. Living is participating, and I can honestly say that outwardly it appeared that I was participating, but now that I think about it and look back, maybe I was just going through the motions, a whole bunch of NOTHING! I had to ask myself, "what decisions have I made over the last 5 years that has changed my life for the better?", and my honest answer was "NOTHING!"

A Friday night, a good friend texts me "what are you doing tonight?", my reply "killing myself."

Suicide is salvation in depression, we all want to escape discomfort, or be delivered and relieved of the discomfort, and just like that a stomach full of six 800mg pills.


DEATH.
Some of my friendships had to die, relationships had to die, and even a few of my dreams and goals had to die... in fact the old me had to die. Why? So that the ME I was created to be, COULD LIVE.


LIGHT.
July 2012, I thought I died, but maybe I was dead already, because when I woke up everything looked bright... it felt like the first time I've ever seen #LIGHT.



(To be continued...) 


 ❤ TD ❤ @TeLisaD